I now wear glasses, at least on a part-time basis. My vision is poor enough that the lensmonger said I would fail a driver's test were I to take one today. The frames of these specs are rather large and may qualify me a nerd. They surely, distressingly don't go with my oft-worn SunnO))) sweatshirt. When wearing them I look like John Denver or, if I have a bit of stubble, like Borussia Dortmund gaffer Jurgen Klopp. This accessory has thus changed me in terms of my vision of myself as well as how I am viewed by others. Does that mean that my five favorite songs will lose meaning to me?
1. "Where Eagles Dare" by the Misfits.
- No. Everyone loves the Misfits, and cursing. That includes nerds.
2. "Party Up" by DMX.
- Yes. I will feel more self-conscious about banging this tune at high volumes, worrying that my affection for it will now be rooted in tawdry, socially problematic irony. I enjoy this song whole-heartedly, the hard-hitting grandeur of the production and X's vocal intensity forever raising goosebumps. With glasses, will the importance of "Party Up" be lethally deflated? Will I like it to laugh at, rather than to appreciate? The incongruity of the now-glasses-wearing Caucasian rocking out to a violent club banger is a cheap laugh, and one in which I shan't participate.
3. "Shake Some Action" by the Flamin' Groovies.
- No. If anything, glasses will make me appreciate this song more. The Groovies were, like the Ramones, essentially nice guys masquerading as leathery thugs. Their emotional sensitivity is partially shrugged off with a careless attitude, but that obviously false braggadocio only makes their vulnerability more compelling. Even coupled with metal t-shirts and denim vests, the glasses will betray my true, painfully meek nature.
4. Every Hold Steady song.
- No. Craig Finn wears glasses. As if the flannel wasn't enough, I now blend with the crowd even better. I'll just be another even-keeled beanpole staying up too late screaming "There's always other boyfriends".
5. "Super Roots 7" by the Boredoms.
- Maybe. I tend to think that, despite their references to 'vision' and 'Eye', the Boredoms exist in a theoretical universe governed only by a sense of movement. You hear the music and you see the performers but you react through movement. The song first suggests and then demands it before turning its absence into an impossibility. I have played it while cooking, while writing, while exercising, while driving (of course), for friends and co-workers, dates and family members. In the kitchen of my folks' house preparing for Thanksgiving or cruising around Bridgeport, "Super Roots 7"'s propulsion quickly takes control of your nervous system. The turbo-motorik of its rhythm makes your body's decisions, rendering the brain surplus to requirements. At least for 21 minutes. So the issue of sight is moot. However, my glasses could tumble as I am freaking out, cruelly booting me from the Eye-verse. I'll need to get a chain to keep them on. Or maybe Bo Outlaw-style goggles.