Friday, April 11, 2008

Ebon Scrolls of the Northwytch: The First Post

I described my blog to a professor as being like the dudes from Heavy Metal Parking Lot talking about Kierkegaard, but really it's just those dudes talking about Heavy Metal Parking Lot and other super metal jawns. It's pretty annoying to see things that aren't heavy passed off as such while super sweet things are derided as wussy or whatever when in fact THEY TOTALLY AREN'T. And who better to mediate that divide than a dude who sleeps in a polo shirt and lists his work number as 1-900-RAEKWON on student loan websites? UH!

Fans (?) of my "Simon and Garfunkel Are Metal as Shit" rocker on the FBook might recognize this tact, especially when I'm planning a future post expanding on why S&G are so metal that they equal seven moustaches. The effin' metalosity of the subject is usually based on how they stack up with the four horsemen of metal that in my experience exemplify heaviness: Sabbath, Motorhead, Satan and layering a flannel shirt with the sleeves cut off over a denim jacket OVER a muhfuckin' hoodie. Hot christmas! Also, the phrase "the time has come!" when delivered in an elfin voice is pretty heavy.

You'd better believe it.

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